Back?

A little piece of writing that I wrote back in 2006.

Beautiful words from the heart, who knows what was going through my head at the time.

Enjoy

Dre.

And I gave you sun,

So that you could shine endlessly

And without shame.

And I gave you darkness,

So that you could rejoice upon the grief

Within Yourself.

And I gave you solitude,

So that you would appreciate

The warmness of your body.

And I gave you wings,

Not to fly,

But to protect your soft features

From the rain.

Then I gave you space,

So that you could own the world

For a day.

Then I gave you cold,

So that you could enjoy the snow

Melting on your skin.

And after giving you all you've ever wanted,

I gave you freedom,

So that you could choose your destiny,

And then...

You came back to me.

DrE - dnklschwrz / 06

This Time Imperfect

The longer this agony goes on, the more pathetic I feel...

I can't even rest properly now, since my dreams have been invaded by the presence of the being whose love I can no longer dream of possessing.

Everything is driving me insane; no rest, no love, no news make me feel like an absolute lunatic. I am not fond of looking at my blog and only seeing that all I have to say is how heartbroken I am and how lonely I feel without you...

Even though things seem to be greener on the other side, I can't stop feeling the way I do.

Letting go has never been so hard, and what really concerns me is the amount of time that has gone by unnoticed. I remember saying things such as: All I need is time. All I need is to meet new people... Both have happened and the only thing that THAT has caused is reinforcing how much you are worth and how irreplaceable you are.

I do not feel dependent on you, for it that was true, I would have never hesitated in ending my life just from the thought of never being able to hold you close to me again. Yet, here I am... feeling.

As the days go by, only the memories remain; then the night descends upon me and as I fall into a deep sleep, there you are... So distant, so different, so rude, so not you!

Last night we got as close as being locked up in my bathroom and dedicating the same song to each other as we fell into each other's arms. As usual, I cried. This time, not only because the thought of holding you again was so unreal but also because I could not believe that you knew the same song that represents all the beautiful things I have to say to you and how I wish you well no matter what. That was the same song you had for me and I held you close for an instant. Nothing lasts forever, and this still holds true in the case of dreams. I had to go meet for an assignment, even though I was suddenly walking on a beautiful beach....

I have always held my dreams close to me because of their realistic nature. I sense, I smell, I taste, I feel, I hurt... in them. At times they are what dictates my behaviour on certain issues. Now, they have turned against me. I feel like even my dreams are trying to destroy me. I am trying to let go but the more I dream, the more I long for you.

Mon coeur, le tien toujours, mon cher petit lapin

Musically Inclined Blogger

Guten Morgen audience,

I am particularly inspired this morning, which may account for all the wonderful music that I somehow have managed to shove into my ipod. I am getting waaaay out of my comfort zone, and yet I have not bored myself with the monotonic rhythms of Top 40.

La voila, The source of my good mode and positive thinking for the past 48 hours - Chanson #1

NEXT: Aside from the previous one, I have found a new sexy beat that makes me want to become an urban hipster (not gonna happen, but oh well... The power of music) and walk around the streets like freaking Christopher Walken in Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice. I will include the video with the lyrics, so that you get the idea about what you are singing. The original video is absolutely badass, so I highly recommend it. This makes me say: Je me suis tombée amoureuse de la musique en français

Chanson #2

Touchée ^.^

Enjoy!

In my time of need - II

Commonly, I would despise blogging while enduring pain, but this time it's a different kind of pain.

The one that leaves you paralyzed in time and space, while the seconds are still running, and the only thing in front of you is a bottle of vodka that was not meant to be consumed on this occasion.

Missing a razor blade and the balls to end with the pain once and for all. I keep on thinking that there is purpose above all of these pointless bearing of unnecessary suffering; coping and coping and still no change takes place.

I am not a bad person, I am definitely not evil. What have I done to offend you in such manner?

Simply because I once and for all decided to stand up for myself, to stop being the item you mop the floor with?

All these years of endless victories I have given you and still I get nothing but third-citizen treatment. Really?

I should never blog about this, particularly to an open audience of who knows who; yet, I am tired of pretending that I have no emotional reaction to an indifference I do not deserve.

Like the Dalai Lama said: "I am not the best Dalai Lama, I am not the worst Dalai Lama, but I am definitely the most popular one". I will tell you the same thing: i am not the best daughter, and I am definitely not the worst one. Popular, i am not quite sure, but yet I know that every parent would be fucking proud to have me as a daughter.

My accomplishments

My triumphs

My life

And yet, in perspective little support from your side.

A talented genius kid; potential not exploited for apparent considerate reasons about "respecting" my childhood instead of taking advantage of my natural talents.

A talented young musician, who should have been enrolled in the conservatory by personal recommendation of the Music department of my school and yet no, of course not... Couldn't afford to make such sacrifices of driving me across town. What is a musician worth anyway, right?

Self-esteem issues, of course but obviously never interested enough to know what was going on

And the list goes on, filled with all your bullshit insecurities of how you were raised and how you are afraid of the outer world and what you consider to be unknown.

Let me Live my fucking life! Stop questioning every decision I make. I feel like an absolute dumbass simply because I decide to be honest and share my life with you. The only thing I get: Second-guessing.... Really, after all I want is to build a relationship based on honesty and trust? I am the bad one!? What the fuck is this bullshit reversely-build psychology?

I am done and yet the suffering does not end.

The vodka is over and I feel like my downward spiral of self-destruction feeds on itself, in order to destroy the empire I have worked so hard to create.

I feel like I can no longer go on. I will remain on my bed for the rest of the evening in the hopes that my cough gets bad enough and I stop breathing. Maybe then you will actually understand that I am not as bad as you think and that what you accuse me of doing, of being, of representing is nothing but your fucking insecurities projected onto a reality that you have chosen to blame on me.