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So this is how it feels to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After over 20 finals, 4o midterms, innumerable essays, projects, and countless hours devoted to reading and eventually learning, there is this feeling of emptiness that refuses to shape itself. In past years I would have anticipated this moment differently, and yet here I am looking for various ways to procrastinate before the last final exam of my undergraduate career. I should be reading, and I should be finishing my studies, but I am exhausted... absolutely exhausted.
Anxiety has become a common companion lately. Now I don't have to deal with eating anxiety, or spontaneous physical arousal, I now have to deal with feelings or brain overload, where regardless of what I read my mind refuses to exceed its mental capacity. Perhaps it would be easier if there was a delete button on the back of my skull, or perhaps one of those little reset buttons accessible only to the end of a sharp object.
Coping with all these expectations about what is really going to happen now. I thought I would be devastated if by the time I graduate I did not have anything to look forward. Don't get me wrong, life is great but sometime a bit of chronological planning helps. My fears of being fully unemployed and becoming another useless professional are not part of my current anxiety. I guess I am lucky. I have everything to look forward: A full-time summer job with an Airline, A postgraduate degree waiting for me in September, leisure travel and more. And yet, I am still feeling overwhelmed about finishing something that I have been meaning to end for a while now.
I guess I will get back to my studies now before I decide to scream until my head explodes.
