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January 19th, 2009
1:42 AM (EST)
Dwelling into the horizons of my own perception seems to
be leading me through what I would call the forbidden entrance to a reality that I still fear to acknowledge.
As thou once said, we attract those who are meant to impact our lives as we would like them to, which is exactly why thou will find me writing in this particular occasion. Instead of exploring my surroundings for answers that I shall not find adjacent to my world, I decided to plaster some words onto a sheet of paper that I will hold as my witness to this rather incoherent delirium.
As every second goes by, I am still reluctant to accept that I have found what I have been looking for throughout my subtle search in my undersized existence. I feel completely miserable and yet full of desire to continue being miserable, for the sake of entirely comprehending what the best approach to continue undergoing the course of this life may be.
The more I think, the less I find, and the more I seem to deviate from my initial purpose. This is keeping me intrigued about the decisions I should make. What often comes to mind and fails to be discarded from my consciousness is the fact that the lone thing I will always be able to control is my own life. Nothing more, nothing less... This brings me to a final inquiry.
I would fancy stop this quest to find thou and bother no more with the rest of the world around me. As I have seemed to find what I have been always looking for, how could I possibly be ever certain that I am even close to what thou have always dreamed of, if it is that you dream. The dreamer is dreamed by the dream.
Unanswerable reality that will torment me, as long as I am willing to allow it to do so; until I am fully determined to let go of something that was actually never mine. Some would call it a conquer stage that failed to fulfill my best-established paradigm regarding the composition of the complementary element to my life.
Something I would like to remember as a wonderful piece of enchantment, which keeps on failing to let me down when I most expect it. Thou, the origin of my less predictable desires and the reinforcement of unquestionable believes that were never bothered to be brought into existence by a world that seems to be less focused on human essence as the days go by. Thou: the projection of my ideals and satisfactions, into the most precious horizon frozen in a second to preserve the pureness of its essence. Yet again we agree to coexist on dissimilar worlds to safeguard secret treasures that arise in a moment of silent, as I would like to think.
-AB
