Cultural Collage

As I was leaving Toronto to escape the atrocious stress-condemning situations of the city that has hosted me for a few years already, my mind kept on wondering off to remote placed visited during previous times, comparing them to those surrounding my here-and-now.

After rushing like a mad cow trying to cross the city in time to catch my bus at 8:30AM, I thought about many things and felt at peace for once, even though the subway was packed as usual, during rush hour. All sorts of feelings came to me from seeing a pregnant woman that actually gave me her seat, since i was loaded with luggage (she actually ended up getting off the train two stops after. It would have been agonizing to observe her standing and having everyone looking at me like a moronic bitch for being so damn rude... but c'mon! i wasn't exactly empty-handed).

Once at the terminal, I bought my ticket and proceeded to board the bus that would take me back to my family. As I awaited in line, I observed the guy that was storing the luggages inside the bus trunk, who was giving me the looks, as if I had "Cocaine Addict" written all over my forehead.
It was kind of uncomfortable, but I decided to stare him until he said anything... At the end, it was me who suddenly said: London!

I got into the bus and, to my surprise, what woke me up from my day-dreaming session was something along the lines of "Maguiber, pasele ese talego a Doña Gladys..."
Those magnificent words spoken with that Colombian accent, which can be distinguished anywhere in the world, caught me by surprise, provoking a mental image that took me back years into my infancy in Colombia. I chuckled, but did not intend to be rude, even though I was still astonished about this particular event happening to me in the city of Toronto.
Even though Toronto is the most multicultural city around the world, what are the chances of getting a Macgyver sharing a bus ride with you... Nonetheless, I was still in Toronto, where anything can happen, apparently.

As the bus started its almost 3-hour journey to London, I kept on thinking about the fellow companions who were sitting a few places ahead from me. They were so folkloric in a sense, which made me question my own culture. How come I am so different from them? how come I feel ashamed about people like this, who could potentially be the role-model to be associated with Colombia? I find it incredible, since I am very sure I'm not alone wondering about things of this matter, which is even WORSE because that means my people are rotten inside!
At any rate, I think is hilarious to have such huge cultural diversity, still here, millions of miles away from my homeland.

Thanks to events like those, I do not forget where I come from, even if I don't belong to that place where I first got a taste of life. Sad, true, but still inevitable. Perhaps I just haven't been completely able to connect to my roots. As proud as I may be, I am proud of something that does not completely define me, nor does it identify me.
Sad but true...

In the meantime, I will connect to those around me who are still unaware of their unplugged cultural state, but are too busy enjoying their lives that could care less about belonging to a place that does not have a particular influence in their daily life.

D.D.

Te pienso en la distancia, aun más cuando no te necesito.

El saber no poder tenerte me desnuda sin saberlo, dejándome así al alcanze de nuestra memoria mundana.

El hayarte en medio de este mundo de piesas perdidas se ma hace inconcluso y muchas veces doloroso… y en este instante solo desearía sentir tu infinita presencia en contra de mi piel.

Entre más te alejas, más frecuentas mi mente y es en ese momento cuando podría renunciar a un universo por pasar un instante infinito contigo.

Dejarias todo lo que eres y el arte que anciosamente proyectas por estar conmigo? O sera que una vez mas me he encaprichado con algo tan incoherente como, hasta el punto de llegar a la locura?

Chapter 24 - El Enamorado

Along the journey of adventures, there is the beginning of chapter 24, which i have decided to call: El enamorado.

There was this one individual who never fell in love, but once he did, he would go all the way in. Incredible, isn't it? So, since the events have not yet occurred, we are all at pending on the outcomes. Number 24 will be approached on the bases of satisfaction. Reinforcing behavior of DA release in the nucleus accumbens by the Ventral Tegmental area is the way planned, in order to get him abducted into my macabre list of accomplishments.

In the meantime, I personally will keep on getting krunked :D

Chapter 24 - El Enamorado

Along the journey of adventures, there is the beginning of chapter 24, which i have decided to call: El enamorado.

There was this one individual who never fell in love, but once he did, he would go all the way in. Incredible, isn't it? So, since the events have not yet occurred, we are all at pending on the outcomes. Number 24 will be approached on the bases of satisfaction. Reinforcing behavior of DA release in the nucleus accumbens by the Ventral Tegmental area is the way planned, in order to get him abducted into my macabre list of accomplishments.

In the meantime, I personally will keep on getting krunked :D

Chapter 23 - Malas Intenciones

Esta es la historia de nunca acabar. El capitulo 23 se denomina Malas Intenciones. Efectivamente, esa era la intencion general. La de controlar y no morir en el intento...
Desafortunadamente, cuando las cosas se planean demaciado para eliminar cualquier rastro de error que pueda ser cometido, la estrategia tiende a fallar. En este caso, el controlado termino siendo el controlador, sin darse cuenta la magnitud de su encanto.
Que paso con nuestras intenciones de dominar a cuanta criatura exista y sea suceptible a nuestro tan intenso poder de conocimiento. Aparentemente, uno se muere y nunca termina de aprender nuevas lexiones de la vida.

El capitulo 23, es una historia llena de lujuria, mas que todo satisfaccion insaciable que nunca ha podido lograrse, en este caso. Dado asi, la vuelta no tiene pierde... Desafortunadamente, el circulo vicioso en el que me veo envuelta sigue su curso sin yo estar al tanto de sus actividades irregulares. Tratando de ignorar aquellos 22 capitulos que tanto han impactado mi forma de ser. Ese ser que viene siendo el mismo ser de mi forma de ser.
Pensar que la experiencia llega a un punto de convertirse en algo relativamente irrelevante. Es como si los hechos que trascurren la vida de un ser humano nunca hubiesen ocurrido. Y en el medio... yo.

El final aun no esta escrito. Si todo esto dependiera solo de mi, no le pondria final, solo por satisfacer esa necesidad emocional que tanto me carcome el alma. Sin entender como ni porque, solo se busca un alivio temporal en lo que puede llegar a ser un arma de doble filo completamente ajena a mi control.
Asi el final no este aun escrito, predecir los hechos no sera nada dificil. Esta etapa de la historia girara hasta que yo de abasto. Hasta que se me pudran las entrannas de tanto querer algo que nunca existio, ni mucho menos llegara a existir.

La idea principal no es convertir el capitulo 23 en un amor frustrado ni nada por el estilo. Simplemente, llenar un vacio karmico que sacia su hambre haciendome infeliz.

Dunkelschwarz/ 2008

Alone

Luminous pathways may show us the perfect portray of a reality that is far from being ours.
In our reminiscent times, we ambition that which can not be simply bought. And in the meantime, we feel the coldness of the air impregnate the existence of those around us, making us aware of our surroundings and of how ordinary the human race can sometimes be.

The product of many years of sacrifice coming to nowhere in particular. The sweat and efforts of those wishing the fellow sibling to succeed end up in the same trash can where I left my entire integrity. And who is one to stand up for one's self in times like this, when morality has become one of the last things to worry about. Now, why do we live in such state? As surprising as it may sound, is the reality I have chosen to live.

Exemplary and talented piece of enchantment; my lifeless piece of enchantment.... what a lifeless piece of enchantment. I have come to that point where I have to take a break from the live I have involuntarily chosen to live, before is too late to ever go back. There are certain things that need to be regained before I go back to my old boring life. And why ever go back to a world that never appreciates the efforts of endless hours in agony and emotional torture to improve one's quality of life.
Looking back within the present eon which is about to end, there are nothing but personal failures, deadlines not met due to worthless self sacrifice, and at the end, what for? And there it goes, in the same trash can a world full of emotions and lovely dreams wishing to be half fulfilled.
I'm sick of doing this.... everything gets postponed until never again! There is no such thing as a second chance at this point. Surprisingly enough is the despair speaking on my behalf. What have I come to be?
What have I done to deserve such dizz? The only thing that can ever be asked from mankind is respect towards one another, but clearly I am stuck in a completely different world. WHY!?

I just want to be able to be the way I was, without questions asked, without minding what it may feel to be hurt, instead of wishing to hurt everyone and anyone. Sometimes I just want to give up, but that would be a rather coward act on my behalf.
Once again, the agony of handicapping every sentence that comes out from deep inside has led me to become the person I have feared the most. A person full of rage and envy. A person capable of destroying the most sacred human being for no particular reason. A person who has lost respect for one's self and would like to think is immune to pain. But, clearly, the more the wound hurts, the more rage is built up within, just waiting to explode. Now, tomorrow, eventually, whenever time is to come.
I just want to get away... fly away... unplug my mind from this nightmare paradise that I have created for my sake.
And now, alone in the darkness of my own insides, I look around and I see empty shells, emptiness overall. I see confusion and despair, not only on my side, but in everyone's eyes. People fear to live one more day, without expecting to end their existence.
Anxiety takes over the mind of the weak, juxtaposing thoughts with the marvelous eerie ideals of the dark side
In the meantime, alone in the darkness of my own shadow, I see my lifeless piece on enchantment walking without any particular direction, expecting to be guided by the first irradiating vague idea of my ideal idea about life.

The distress of a life full of commitment

The distress of a life full of commitment

By: Dre.

First realization of a life well-lived: the ability to stand upon one’s established reinforcements; not only physical, but also emotional. This is where the rest of one’s life begins. The realization of time past is not as simple as it may appear; however, once experienced, this can be as basic as grade 9 math. For the mind of the meek, the reality of existence is only the confirmation of everything one can stand for. This, by itself, supports one’s entire purpose in life.

The beauty about the human mind can be as intriguing as possible, as well as wonderful and yqt quite simple. It is composed of all those different approaches about the so-called psych. It’s not a defined concept, but nevertheless, cannot be underestimated. To understand the realizations live itself gives to every individual, one has to come to realize its purpose on this earth. It can get pretty complicated, since there are those who seem to be stuck within the paradigm of life being a dream… an illusion, rather than a reality. Therefore, this only gives the easy access to such a wonderful experience. And, what for? Sometimes, I just seem to think that that concept is just an easy way to avoid questions such as why and what for?

In order to assign, rather than just giving a concrete term to one’s meaning in life, one has to describe it, before answering all those questions that seem to bother some of us to a certain extend. To those who are so basic not to bother, well… this episode may not be suited for your intellect. Don’t get me wrong; I may be the one wasting my time, and at the end, we are all the same… or not?

Second realization of a life well-lived: a purpose. A well-defined purpose. There is nothing better than realizing and being fully conscious of what one can be useful for, and then achieve one’s deepest desires. These can be to some extend idealistic, but nevertheless, they are still dreams. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, right? There is everything wrong with mentally handicapping one’s self, right?

Now days, it just seems so normal to say: “Morgen, Morgen, nur nicht Heute” and at the end we are all the same, correct? This applies to every single aspect within our daily lives. Love, relationships, work, money, living, eating, exercising, and the list could pretty much continue to go on… right? Why does it have to be this way? Why not bothering to get something done in time, or even before a given time. The answer is rather simple: there is a lack of purpose. We are all going to die, so what for? The point I’m trying to make right now is, what if we do not die, as we so impatiently expect to? I never told him I loved him, and why? Simple, because I was afraid of spoiling something that TIME would only attribute. And then, what? I regret not doing it! I regret not fucking the living shit out of him! I regret… I regret… I regret. Yes, after regret comes the lesson given by experienced lived. It was still as tough as rock, but I’m still alive, as much as I wished with all my remaining strength to be buried meters below the core of magma in the middle of planet earth. Experiences such as this give you a purpose that becomes the core of the second realization of a difficult experience.

Third realization of a life well-lived: acceptance of mistakes; the world is yours. The world is only so big, as I always repeat to myself, anytime I find it necessary. Ups and downs enable you to realize that you are alive, and that you feel. It can be painful or rewarding; it can completely drain you, or it can fill you up and get you high on life as a kite. But these are what make us more human than ever: the realization of a piece of humanity. This is exactly why life cannot be a dream. Dreams occur for us to experience them, to get some sort of bizarre insight from them, however, once they are over, c’est fini! After dying alive, you are still alive and it hurts, and the more you wish it ends, the more you rot alive…ALIVE! And it doesn’t only happen once; it repeats its course over and over again. For a new eon to be created, destruction has to occur. Thank god, or whatever you believe in, for the suffering received with every dusk, the suffering that accompanies you after dawn. Thank something for all the tears shed after being devastated. Whether or not it was in vain, it was meant to happen sooner or later.

Once you are ready to stand up for the thirtieth time, the world is only so big. Manage it at your own personal taste. Do it as you please. Who cares about altruistic love… this love shouldn’t be given by petty. Think of all those times you sacrificed yourself in vain for absolutely nothing. Why can’t others do the same?

Fourth realization of a life well-lived: stand up for yourself! Stand even against those who stood for you, if they do not believe you are capable of greater changes around you. Believe in the ones that one you to fail, since they know you can succeed. Stop doing things half done. Remember to think big, act small and deliver quickly. That is the key to success.

And chala la la, life goes on…